


While You Were Sleeping

by frek



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Break Up, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2004-10-20
Updated: 2004-10-20
Packaged: 2017-10-28 09:08:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,218
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/306252
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/frek/pseuds/frek
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ron stays up, watching Neville sleep, when his feelings become decidedly clear.</p>
            </blockquote>





	While You Were Sleeping

Ron leaned back against the headboard of his bed, watching Neville, sound asleep next to him. He watched the moonlight gleam on Neville’s smooth back, moving over the muscles as he breathed. The man’s dark hair fell in loose curls over his face, hiding his features from view. Behind those dark curls Ron could picture his lover’s face, his eyes closed, long lashes creating dark curves in their place. He could see the man’s full lips curved into a small smile, the only feature not hidden by hair.

Ron sighed, glancing over the room and the abundant shadows the moonlight created. The light had a pale, clear quality to it that night, the same quality that he felt within his thoughts. Ron could see things for how they were at this quiet moment. There were no distractions in the room. No other sounds save the quiet breaths of the one beside him. It was just the two of them. Ron was alone with his thoughts.

He thought about the other man. Thought about how they met, and their life together to this point. He had never thought he’d find a kindred spirit in Neville, though he did. The relationship had gotten an awkward start, but slowly grew into a deep bond. He actually loved the man beside him. At least in some part.

And here he was, on this night, sitting quietly, contemplating the nature of the other’s dreams. Wondering what in Neville’s dreams had made him smile like that, an expression Ron so rarely saw on the man’s face. The thoughts quickly faded from Ron’s mind as he watched the expressions change.

Ron leaned forward, standing up. He stepped across the room, stopping in a pool of light before the only window. He was feeling strange, thoughtful, contemplative. These were very much unlike him. He wasn’t one to think about relationships, he was simply a man of action. Ron sighed; he was blaming it on the moon, whose fullness shone down on him. Strange things always happen during a full moon.

Ron had been up for an hour or so, simply watching Neville sleep, watching the man dream. The thoughts occurred to him every so often, wondering what exactly he was dreaming. But most of the night, Ron realized he honestly didn’t care. He couldn’t understand it. It was something he always contemplated while watching Neville sleep. Though for some reason, it all held no meaning for him tonight.

Ron sat gingerly on the stone sill, his mind flitting over the thoughts he didn’t dare allow to surface, though he knew they would soon enough. He considered all they had done in the last week; trips to the grocer, an excursion to Diagon Alley, holding each other as they slipped into their dreams. Ron closed his eyes against a sudden burning in them. None of those things mattered to him he realized. Small things that at one point would make him feel warm and whole, were suddenly nothing more than the activities they were. Ron blinked back the tears that had come with the burning. There was no need for him to get broken up over this.

He took a slow, steadying breath before standing up and heading back over to the bed. As he sat down beside Neville, the man woke up, his eyes straining to see in their sleepy state. “Ron?” He asked, quietly, pulling himself into a sitting position.

Ron nodded, pulling his legs up, crossing them over each other. “Neville,” Ron started, his voice wavering for just a moment.

Neville leaned towards Ron, attempting to hold the other man. Ron simply pushed Neville away, not wanting to lose his nerve to old comforts.

“Neville,” Ron began again, meeting Neville’s concerned gaze. “I really don’t know how to say this…”

”You’re breaking up with me, aren’t you?” Neville asked, the tears immediately coming to his eyes upon recognition.

Ron suppressed his own tears, ignoring Neville’s words. They hurt, he couldn’t let them. “Let me have my say…” He looked over at Neville, “Please?” He watched Neville nod uncertainly before beginning, “I was sitting here, listening to you breathe. Like always, I wondered to myself what you were dreaming. You were smiling. You looked so happy… You never look that way when you’re awake.” Ron breathed deeply, dropping his gaze to his feet. He concentrated on his toes for a moment, watching them curl and uncurl; he couldn’t dwell on what he was doing. He wouldn’t go through with it if he did.

“But I realized something as I watched you,” Ron continued, risking a glance at Neville, whose features were showing the pain he was feeling. “I realized that…” He paused, taking a breath, “I looked around the room, at the moon. I realized that your dreams had absolutely no meaning to me. That I simply didn’t care.” There, he said it.

Neville was crying openly at that point. Ron’s eyes followed the tears as they spilled from his eyes and rolled down his round cheeks.

Ron stopped watching, he turned back to his feet with their freckles speckled over top. He sighed once more, this was more difficult than he had considered. “I got up and looked at the sky, tried to ignore the meaning. I couldn’t. I thought about what that meant. I thought maybe I was wrong. The more I though on it, though, the more I realized that I was right. Neville… I love you…” He turned to Neville, “Just not like I used to.”

Neville collapsed into his pillow, burying his face in the cool cloth. He didn’t want to hear anymore. His life seemed to be falling apart around him, and Ron just kept rubbing it in. Things had been different when they first became a couple. It took a lot of adjusting, convincing his Gran and so many others that what they were wasn’t wrong. And with just a few simple words, it had all come collapsing down before him. Ron didn’t want him anymore. Who was left? Who would want a clumsy, shy, awkward man? He may as well go home and live with his Gran. No one else would want him. He was effectively alone.

Ron watched as Neville cried into the bed, unsure of what exactly to do. If Neville were crying before, he would have simply curled up next to him, and hold the man until the tears ceased. Now, he wasn’t sure of his role. He knew that he didn’t have to do anything to help Neville through this. But his bond to the man still was strong, despite the indifference he had been feeling. He knew somewhere deep down, that he simply couldn’t leave Neville alone. He’d help the man through the night. But tomorrow, things would be different. They’d go their separate ways.

Ron slid into the bed next to Neville, pulling the blanket over them. He wrapped his arm around the other man, resting his head on the pillow. He pulled Neville close to him, feeling the man shudder with the sobs wracking his body. As he closed his eyes to sleep, he allowed his own silent tears to join Neville’s. Even though he had been the strong one, he needed this last night together as much as Neville.


End file.
